All Bahamians of goodwill,  gather around for yet another installment of “What Did Fred Mitchell Say This Week?”—a thrilling political soap opera where the truth is optional, contradictions are frequent, and self-righteous indignation is always on sale.

Now, last weekend, I was warned that Fred Mitchell—Foreign Affairs Minister, MP for Fix Hill, Chairman of the PLP, and self-appointed Minister of All Things Verbal—was a malignant narcissist. But, plot twist! Turns out, he might also be bipolar! No, no, not the “let’s have a serious discussion about mental health” kind, but the political kind—where one moment he’s standing on his soapbox like a street preacher, and the next, he’s the Grand Inquisitor of the Opposition.

And what was the offense this time? Oh, the usual—spreading his version of reality like a street magician trying to convince you he just pulled a rabbit out of his hat when you clearly saw him stuff it in there five minutes ago.

Scene One: The Judicial Condemnation Slip-Up

Mitchell, in his grand oratory style, boldly declared that Marvin Dames—the former National Security Minister—was judicially condemned in the Shane Gibson case! Except… minor detail… that never happened. My Dear! Turns out, he meant the Frank Smith case. But hey, same difference, right?

I mean, who among us hasn’t accused someone of being condemned by the courts, only to realize we got the entire case wrong? Just a regular day for Fred! But here’s the kicker: “The point stands,” he says. Because apparently, in Mitchell’s world, accuracy is an afterthought, and so long as the insult lands, the facts are just details.

Scene Two: The Drones That Weren’t There

Ah yes, the $17 million drone story! Mitchell & Co. have been beating this dead drone… I mean, horse… for years now, claiming that Marvin Dames spent $17 million on drones, and—surprise!—no drones exist!

And yet, no proof has ever been provided. None. Zero. Zip. Nada.

But does that stop Mitchell from repeatedly using it like a battering ram? Absolutely not! Because, you see, in the world of political theater, repeating something enough times makes it true. Evidence? Who needs it! Just keep saying it louder until it sticks.

Scene Three: The “Fairness” Hypocrisy

But Mitchell isn’t done yet, folks. Oh no, we’ve got a whole act left!

Now he’s gone full “PLP for the People” mode, claiming that the FNM’s love affair with transparency and fiscal responsibility is just a scam to keep their rich friends rolling in government contracts.

The solution? Scrap transparency! Because, you know, listing the names of people who get government contracts is a security risk. I mean, why let the public know where their tax dollars are going? That’s dangerous!

And, oh, the irony—Mitchell openly admits the PLP doesn’t really care about fiscal responsibility laws. The same laws he’s attacking the FNM for allegedly not believing in.

You keeping up? Because the mental gymnastics here are Olympic level.

Finale: The Double-Tongued Hypocrisy

And after all this, after the misinformation, the contradictions, the grandstanding, Mitchell dares to say:

“When you see less going around, ask yourself the point in question: is it true?”

Yes, Fred. Excellent advice. Perhaps you should try it sometime.

Look, Bahamians deserve better than this circus. Less theatrics, more governance. Less soapboxes, more substance. And maybe—just maybe—a little less hypocrisy from the Minister of Verbal Acrobatics.

Because at the end of the day, if the only way you can win an argument is by misrepresenting facts, are you really winning at all?

END