Hold on, because we’re about to take a front-row seat to the greatest magic trick in Bahamian fiscal history — where the illusion of a surplus is stronger than the actual presence of one.

Wait — wait — hold up. So let me get this straight…

The New Day Progressive Liberal Party (PLP) Government — the same folks who rode in on the unicorn of transparency and fiscal responsibility — just told us they’ve delivered the first ever budget surplus. Delivered! As in… they already brought it! Like it’s on your porch with an Amazon sticker on it.

“We’ve delivered a surplus…”

That’s what they said. “We’ve.” Past tense. Like it’s already been baked, boxed, and served. Ding-dong, the economy’s fixed!

But then, like a magician who accidentally sawed his assistant in half for real, they started walking it back. No, no — it’s not that we delivered a surplus, it’s that we will… maybe… hopefully… if all the stars align and nobody sneezes on the calculator.

Enter Exhibit A: Tribune Business, which reported that Prime Minister Davis is touting the first ever budget surplus — not for this year, oh no — for the next fiscal year, 2025/2026. Oh! So… not now. Not even close. Actually, the forecasted surplus was slashed from $448.2 million down to $75.5 million — an 83% drop! That’s not a revision — that’s a fiscal freefall with a parachute made of vibes.

And here’s the kicker: this forecast is based on the hope that revenue jumps nearly 18% next year.

Enter Exhibit B: The Banker with the Bad News Hat.

Gowon Bowe, CEO of Fidelity Bank — and not exactly a wild-eyed radical — basically says:

“Uh… guys? I’m struggling to see how y’all are going to collect $3.88 billion in revenue when you’re not even hitting your current targets.”

Translation: The math ain’t mathin’.

So let us see if we have this correct:

They implied a surplus had already been delivered — it hadn’t.

They predicted a mega-surplus — then cut it by hundreds of millions.

They’re relying on revenue increases that everyone in finance says are unrealistic.

And they’re now rebranding previously zero-rated items as tax cuts.

This is the fiscal equivalent of saying:

“We’ve built the house!”

When what you have actually done is scribble a stick-figure blueprint on a napkin, lit it on fire, and then blamed the wind.

And the most chef’s kiss part of all of this? They act like we’re crazy for questioning it! Like we didn’t just hear what they said. Like we’re the ones being unreasonable for not clapping.

Listen — nobody is saying the entire budget is garbage. Some parts may help Bahamians. But the keystone — the central narrative, the claim of historic surplus — is built on a linguistic sleight of hand, a budgetary dream board, and a prayer whispered into the Ministry of Finance’s air conditioning vent.

And we all know what happens when you pull out the keystone: the whole thing comes crashing down.

You can’t just Jedi mind trick the public:

“This is the surplus you’re looking for.”

No. We’re looking for accountability. And, maybe, a calculator that’s not powered by wishful thinking.

END